See No Evil, Hear No Evil
by She-Who-Is-Not-To-Be-Psycho
Summary: In a moment of potiondrunkness, Draco Malfoy will reveal to Harry Potter the general truth that he isn't too attentive to the common public's hidden intentions, or at least, so Malfoy thinks. Oneshot. HarryDraco


Summary: This is a little Slashy. or maybe not. maybe Malfoy was too drunk. (or Harry too short-sighted) And Snape is helpful, er...  
My first published but last made fanfic. Review to tell me if It remained in cannon characters, that's what I tried to achive!  
  
  
-- SEE NO EVIL, HEAR NO EVIL. --  
  
By She-Who-Is-Not-To-Be-Psycho!  
  
* * *  
  
  
  
'Show time'  
  
  
Malfoy's lips curled forming a stunning smile - No. It was a smirk. This was obviously his favorite part of the day.  
  
  
"- that is one of the most rare specimens in Great Britain?"  
  
"I- don't know, professor."  
  
"Weren't you listening when I was explaining it to the class? Or were you too busy ridding you imaginary broom and couldn't hear me from the height?"  
  
  
Malfoy's smirk was widening with ever word Professor Snape spit. His cheeks were flushing gradually. It was like he was ready to explode.  
  
Harry Potter didn't ever hear the question, but what good would it do to tell his professor if he'd not know the answer even if he repeated it? Oh, no. It'd make him angrier.  
  
Really, Draco Malfoy reminded him so much at Duddley. Only stop whatever he's doing just to watch how they were threatening him, or shouting to him, or...  
  
  
"15 points from Gryffindor and I suggest, Mr. Potter, you start studding because I understand you are taking your OWLs this year? And I don't give private classes."  
  
  
'There's a God!'  
  
  
He had to hidden the little smile that escorted his thoughts just in time to recive his professor's scowl.  
  
  
"Or maybe is it that you already gave up?"  
  
  
Severus Snape may be the Potions professor and one in the world's best Witchcraft and Wizardry school; but that really didn't give him the right to torture him and him only!  
  
Well, that wasn't entirely true, he thought. He was one more time reminded of this fact when Snape started yelling at his forgetful mate Neville Longbottom. And here he was lamenting his luck; how hypocrite...  
  
Oh, there it was Malfoy again. Harry seriously wonder what was his problem. Why was he looking at him grinning like a loon from across the classroom? Why does he enjoyed so much seeing him humiliated?   
  
Really, if he needed something to do there much better ways of spending time...   
  
  
* * *  
  
  
"Oh, Snape is wonderful. I mean, he is an idiotic git that keeps resented to the boy's parents. I promised to myself that I'd never sink that low - I mean, his hatred for the Potters -Father and Son- has consumed his so many precious years of his life! It wouldn't happen to me. Of course, Potter will be dead by the time I get out from this stupid institution.  
  
"Come to think about it it's like my weakness. I don't like that. No. It's just like an addiction, a necessity. I need my doses of humiliating Potter from time to time. But the pleasure worth the effort."  
  
  
Harry Potter was just some metres away from Malfoy and his cronies. He was taking more time than usual because he had to carry his Quidditch equipment for the practice, so he had sent Ron and Hermione off. As the people went out just he and the Slytherin trio reminded. From time to time you could hear one of the two idiotic blokes laugh at some stupid thing Malfoy would say.  
  
  
"Now, I don't know why Snape do it, the little brat. I cannot help but wonder if he has the same.. er, weakness for pissing Potter off. But it contributes to my end as well so he can continue with his harassing any time he wants - He is a very helpful acquaintance, really"  
  
  
'Does he notice I'm here? Does this two idiots know the world 'acquaintance'?'  
  
  
"Draco, I thought we could go to bully the photo-kid, er, Crivinks?" Goyle asked while he scratch his tummy bored. Crabbe, on the other side, looked cheerful and smiled stupidly.  
  
  
'Well, they surely know the word 'doses'...'  
  
  
"No, it's not the same. That pleasure only Potter can give it to me."  
  
  
'*What*?!'  
  
  
"But you go. I'll catch you up later."  
  
"- but, boss - er,"  
  
"hu - Draco, you made the potion wrong and now it's kind of a truth potion or somethin'-"   
  
"And now you're telling all this funny things -" Goyle continued cheerfully.  
  
"And you seem drunk. Shouldn't you go to Madame Pomfrey?"  
  
  
Harry blinked many times to reassure this was not an illusion. He, Harry Potter, had this huge power over the nastiest boy ever happened to exist just in his hand.   
  
'Bloody Truth Potion!'  
  
This was his chance to make Malfoy confess all his secrets: that his father was a Death Eater; what were Voldemort plans to kill him; maybe where Voldermort hide!  
  
  
"Crabbe, for being my mummy you ain't either blonde nor beautiful."  
  
  
Crabbe yawned like a giant wale in a kind of sigh and started leaving.  
  
  
"Goyle, let's go. We have Transfigurthion, and the old crappy bitch already took - er, much points from us today."  
  
"See you, boss!" As they were leaving, unnoticing Harry like he didn't exist to their world, Goyle whisper anxiously in a kind of gross giggle "Wait 'till the others find out boss is blabbing it all!"  
  
Both cronies went out and out of sight.  
  
  
"Potter! You were here all the time?"  
  
  
Harry looked up to the boy sitting up in his table. He then realized he wasn't wearing his Invisibility Cloak and it was just that the two bullies were to thick to notice him and Malfoy was slightly drunk. He looked rather drunk actually...  
  
  
"Er, no - I'm an illusion."  
  
  
Er, so, what was the waste in trying?  
  
  
"Oh!" Malfoy had his cheeks flushed, his eyes looked like blurred for the light and he could barely stand straight. He looked at Harry up and down, and up again while a smile grew in his lips, "Well, let me tell you that you're a very real illusion."  
  
Draco Malfoy smiled stupidly, and Harry Potter feel very uncomfortable to his gaze (specially because it looked like Malfoy was checking him out).   
  
  
"So... What did you hear?" Malfoy spoke nonchalantly.   
  
"More than I wanted to know."  
  
"Ha! And you haven't got the slightest idea -"  
  
"I - I'm not interested." Harry retorted before further creepy revelations could be spat.  
  
"Ow, sure you don't? Nothing you wanna ask me, Potter? - sorry, 'Illusion of Potter'" Draco Malfoy taunted.  
  
Then it hits him "Yeah! - I mean," Harry didn't mean to said it that enthusiastically (he didn't want to sound that obvious) "- I do have something to ask you."  
  
Malfoy stumbled out of the table, reassuring himself in it.  
  
"I do."  
  
"Er, - You do *what*, Malfoy?"  
  
"I do marry you."  
  
  
And Draco Malfoy fell over the floor. Luckily it must have helped him realize that Harry was blushing.  
  
  
"Hell - my butt -"  
  
"Er, Malfoy, where's Voldermort hiding?"  
  
"er, I don't know - Where does pigs fly in winter? - I'm not a see-it-all, woman!" For a crazy moment Harry was about to ask just why he was now a 'woman' but then, "Why you get to be the only one to do all the questioning? - Oh, OK. You do the questions but you must do the dares." Malfoy asked to a very bewildered Harry Potter, a little giggle escape his lips.  
  
"mmh, OK. You're a Death Eater, right? So, what are Voldermort plans?"  
  
"Honey, I'm not and I don't know. My father may be but all the teachers know so why would he tell me?"  
  
"Really?.. Well... how many questions do I have left?"   
  
"I'm not a Jenny, Potter. Could you just finish asking me your bloody question?!"  
  
  
The power of the potion must be wearing off, Harry thought; Malfoy was coming back to his nasty, spoiled, old self. Draco looked straight at Harry's eyes, and he found himself glaring back. Anger started flushing in Harry's face (*just from the staring) and he made up the first thing he felt like asking.  
  
  
"Why do you do it? Why do you enjoy so much seeing me suffer? Looks like you only look forward Potions just to see Snape humiliating me - You said it yourself! You enjoy it! - In class you cannot help just enjoy the show, you, sadist git -"  
  
"Because when you suffer you look - so gorgeous!"  
  
"*What*?!"  
  
"Oh, please, Potter! You are the most masochist guy ever! Your whole body scream 'pain'. Hell! Even that Granger gets all sadist when she's next to you! You look too good when your face twitches in pain - It turns them on." Malfoy let a smirk play in his lips, "And of course I do. Everybody does; Slytherins and Gryffindors alike. Potions is playground! Snape give all the perfect excuse to just have a little piece of you during classes, excusably, checking you out - Now, that's a great use of power, the little git."  
  
Harry felt his cheeks get pink. He had lost the trace of coherency of Malfoy's speech since the 'It turns them on' line, but found his tongue sooner than his thoughts "They don't - I mean, - Nobody looks at me- You do, but-"  
  
"Really, Potter. Are you telling me that from all the people staring at you you only saw me?.. Well, that's kind of flattering."  
  
  
Harry stared the floor in silence; yeah, it was still there but right then he felt a little dizzy. Harry hoped his cheeks were growing to his original colour by their own.  
  
  
"Come to think about it it's kind of predictable. Harry Potter always so oblivous to the world... Hey, you're blushing! I'm embarrassed you! Great! A Harry Potter private show!"  
  
"Shut up, Malfoy!"  
  
"- I -" Malfoy looked like stunned. He seemed to be going a great deal of effort to get focused his eyes, "I -" He stumbled once more on the table, and he straightened back... just to throw up all his breakfast.  
  
Harry was shocked by the scene, though there was nothing new in it but the fact that Malfoy was human... and he doesn't look like having much alcohol resistance. Now came yesterday breakfast...  
  
  
'Ught'  
  
  
"Potter..." Malfoy sounded half-death, he straightened up once more, "Did I just say that you turned me on?.."  
  
  
A nod was what Draco Malfoy last saw before passing out.  
  
  
* * *  
  
  
In the Infirmary Madame Pomfrey didn't ask much questions as usual. McGonnagal was a different matter. She expected Harry Potter to have a good excuse for missing classes. She was the first person Harry found to help him with Malfoy to the Hospital Wing, and Harry was glad she thought of levitating the unconscious Malfoy all the way up as he looked like he was going to throw up any time then. But Harry found his way out easily when Dumbledore showed up a little later and believed that Harry only wanted to help Malfoy when he got poisoned. Also, the cheering Headmaster let him miss the rest of the class for that hour, but had to assist next.  
  
And so, Dumbledore and McGonnagal were gone. Madame Pomfrey asked if Harry could stay because she wanted to ask him a favour, before she went to drag a healing potion of another patient.  
  
Harry stared at the figure in the bed. Malfoy was jerking his head like fighting the sleeping potion Madame Pomfrey had given him, to awake from a nightmare. That's when Malfoy awaked, his eyes opening slightly, he turned to Harry.   
  
  
"Potter, - I want the divorce."  
  
  
  
~ THE END ~  
  
  
by She-Who-Is-Not-To-Be-Psycho!  
Nadia I. Rey  
  
  
A/N: I tried to remain in canon characters and I thought it was pretty good (despite Malfoy that is dealing with a magically induced hang over). Well, it's an interpretation of them, at least. And I know they're exaggerated a little; it's comedy after all.   
So? What do you think?  
  
((*'Anger start flushing' = it's from Harry's point of view. To him he started grewing crisom when staring at Malfoy from 'Anger'... Yours and my point of view could be slightly different, though...))  
  
  
Started and Finished   
The 6th of Febrary 2003.  
(Just a week for my birthday! ^^)  
  
  
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Review if you feel like doing so. It's a one-shot story, but I already thought about a Prologue (a stupid idea, really), so tell me if you think I should carry on a little bit more with the hilariousness. 


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